My Ego Is Humbled
In gratitude and reverence to the most ordinary of people
Big soul lessons can come from anywhere. This past week I received deep, transformative soul lessons from the most unexpected person who has crossed my path.
My cousin, her friend, and I traveled through Inner Mongolia for almost 5 days. Our driver completely dispelled the judgments I had carried with me about Chinese people and completely dispelled my fear of being negatively influenced by them.
Let me backtrack a little. I had grown up hearing and believing the stories told to me through my immediate family and Chinese friends now living in the West that Chinese people are all cheaters and swindlers (骗子）, that they will do anything to milk as much money out of you as possible, that people out in China aren’t pure because they have ill intentions (不是单纯的). I only know these Chinese terms because they have been said to me many times and ingrained into my consciousness, shaping my belief about China and the people who live in China. And I had been badly swindled by someone in China before.
Last year, when I came back to China to visit family, I also heard about some of the things some extended family members had done – someone being part of an illegal business and spending time in prison, love affairs, domestic violence occurrences, another person doing some business in the “gray area”, etc. And my heart was clenched and frozen in shock. I thought that somehow these dark parts of life didn’t touch my circle, weren’t part of my family, but they were. And my heart sank as I felt the stab of pain that burst my bubble where I had thought at least my family was all good. I felt despair and thought – wow, so what I hear about China and people in China is true. They will do anything, no matter good or bad, no matter illegal or not, to make money. All they care about is trying to make the most money they can get even to the detriment of other people and the environment. I couldn’t deny that this may be true for a portion of the population.
After coming to China this time around, I felt my intuition wanted me to stay and spend more time out here – not just months but years. But I couldn’t get past the fact that this would mean I’m living in a harsh, competitive environment, amongst a bunch of swindlers. I was afraid that if I spent long enough out here, I might be influenced by the people and society and turn to the dark side myself – become a 骗子 and 不是单纯的人 (a swindler and person with ill intentions).
But along comes this driver and guide who lives in a little town in Erguna, Inner Mongolia. The moment he said his first sentence directly to me which was a brief comment on my wearing a thick jacket, I could feel that he was a gentle and kind-hearted person. I could sense his energy. And he turned out to be one of the most pure, caring, and giving human beings I have met. My cousin and her friend also commented that he was so good at paying attention to the smallest detail of our needs and generously took care of us without us asking or expecting anything from him. He genuinely went above and beyond to take care of us and buy what we needed without any other intention or agenda to milk money from us. We agreed that having him as our driver and guide made our experience in Inner Mongolia infinitely more enjoyable. What an extraordinary human being!
He gifted me 3 major lessons and shifted some of the beliefs I had held:
New belief: Some Chinese people are authentically good, generous, and pure. He dispelled my belief that all Chinese people are swindlers and have ill intentions. He also dispelled my fear that I might turn bad by staying out here in China, after all, he’s a pure and good person himself. And in doing so, I feel that my fear and resistance to being in China has dissipated. I feel that I can learn a lot and grow by staying in China, and I have hope for Chinese people, that true goodness can still live and thrive in harsh environments.
New belief: That there are guys out there who can be so caringly attuned to other people’s needs. I was so touched by how well he took care of us. I didn’t think such guys existed because I constantly hear complaints from my friends about how their partners are not showing up for them. I realized that if I had a partner, I would be so happy with someone kind and generous like him. He helped me see what matters the most to me – that social status and money are not as important for me to have in a future partner. What moved my heart was receiving genuine kindness and care, and now I want to place this as the priority and at the center of my dating life.
Major lesson: To stay in service from my heart and soul when I interact with other people. This driver was just being himself and giving in a genuine way. What he did was so simple, yet he has done extraordinary magic to deeply transform my inner world to open me up to be more loving, accepting, and kind. Incredible! I am reminded that I don’t need to do anything big to make big changes. The smallest acts of pure kindness can have profound impacts.
From the most unexpected corner of the world, a most ordinary human being has taught me lessons in the most simple, yet extraordinary way. He has been a teacher for my soul and I am humbled. I bow in deep gratitude and reverence to his beautiful soul. I hope we’ll cross paths again one day so I can let him know just how much of an impact he made on me.
I am a heart-centered coach who supports Asian millennials to deepen self-love and bridge intergenerational and cultural gaps, leaving them feeling more joyfully connected to themselves, to family, and to community, as well as empowered to live in greater alignment with their personal values and needs. I have 2 spaces opening up in July. If you are interested in working with me as your coach, please complete my pre-coaching questionnaire and I will be in touch with you for your free discovery call: https://forms.gle/HMMHYo1TzR6Qp29r7
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I am a heart-centered coach who supports Asian millennials to deepen self-love and bridge intergenerational & cultural gaps, leaving them feeling more joyfully connected to themselves, to family, and to community, as well as empowered to live in greater alignment with their personal values and needs. Book a coaching series with me through my website: alaliwei.com
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