Embracing Duality
More than one thing can be true at once
I believe our bodies are a hologram of the universe. When we begin to understand ourselves more, we can understand the intricacies of the families, communities, and the world in which we live. As I’ve been navigating my journey, I’ve had to face and learn to accept dichotomies that can exist within myself. As I’ve had to do this more and more, I’ve come to accept the fact that dichotomies can also exist in the world in which we live – and that they don’t have to be seen as being in conflict and war with one another, but that they are parts of the same whole existing to keep balance.
Examples of dichotomies that exist in nature that need one another to exist:
Yin and yang
Light and darkness
Life and death
Masculine and feminine
Order and chaos
Examples of dichotomies that I have had to hold within my life:
Deeply loving and caring for some people in my life yet feeling that it can be difficult or painful to be around them
Wanting comfort, familiarity, and stability while also wanting adventure, stimulation, and exploration with equal intensity
Liking environments that are quiet, slow-paced, have trees and water, and feel spacious while also liking lively environments, filled with people, that have music
Feeling that a person is so perfect for me while also feeling that the relationship dynamic itself doesn’t feel right and isn’t what I am looking for
Does this resonate with you? If so, just know you’re not alone.
I find that the truth is rarely one-dimensional, and more than one thing can be true at once. These dichotomies can feel confusing and contradictory, yet both sides are valid and can coexist within us.
Right now in my own life, I feel a strong calling to bring life coaching to China. It’s a passion that feels aligned with my purpose, yet at the same time, I wrestle with fear and uncertainty about what this commitment might mean for my future. What will my life look like? Will I raise a family in China’s hyper-competitive school system? How often will I be able to see my family in the US? This tension—the pull between embracing opportunity and the discomfort of the unknown—is a clear example of how two opposing feelings can live in harmony (even though it can feel like war and tension). You can desire to move forward while also experiencing resistance.
Right now, I feel that there is a tension that exists as different energies show up – the energy that wants to move forward and bring life coaching to China and the energy that wants to build a life that is more familiar in a Western country where there is more space, leisure, and more open-mindedness. During times like this, I find that listening to the voice of my intuition is what is best for me and it never leads me astray, even if it doesn’t make sense, even if it feels uncomfortable, and even if it leads me to a situation that can be challenging. When I started to learn to listen to my intuition, there were typically 4 options that presented themselves to me as an answer.
“Yes” – a clear full body yes that feels spacious in my heart
“No” – a firm this feels very off, or not right for me, or out of alignment, or doesn’t uphold my values, or now doesn’t feel like the right time but maybe later
“Maybe” – wait for clarity, which means do absolutely nothing and just sit with it for a while until it becomes clear
“Maybe” – take small steps to gather more information, do something, act, collect some experiences and data until there is more clarity
The most difficult place for me is to sit in that space of “waiting” – of doing nothing – but I have seen that the truth does reveal itself in time (sometimes months from now). But I’ve learned that when I slow down, let go of planning or making a decision, or figuring out what to do next, the truth reveals itself in time. Right now, I’m practicing being present, releasing the urge to plan or control what’s next, letting life unfold, learning to relax, and letting what is meant for me come to me. Oof! This can sometimes feel so hard but I have a feeling that both energies will find more harmony to coexist and more clarity will present itself once these energies feel more settled or when all parts of me are ready.
I can feel antsy during times like this, just wishing the discomfort of it all would be relieved as fast as possible. And this is where I am leaning into the practice of being more still and patient.
We human beings are multifaceted and what we experience reflects the complexity of what it means to be human as we navigate the the challenges of life. In this space, I am learning to honor the truths that arise, no matter how contradictory they may seem. I’m giving them the time and space they need to be acknowledged, expressed, and ultimately come into greater harmony.
P.S. Things I love about being in Wuhan:
There are many lakes here and I love being by the water
There are beautiful parks here and trees are my favorite
Having family members like my cousins and niece close by to hang out with regularly
Feeling supported and cared for
Having my own space and cozy apartment
Feeling a sense of community and belonging
Making new friends here that are easy to talk to and get along with
Hearing many species of birds chirping, especially when I wake up in the mornings
Easy accessibility to anything I need – restaurants, shops, and stores
Being able to bike for hours and hours nonstop around the city
Affordable cost of living
Being able to live with more simplicity and fewer things since I only came here with one suitcase
Learning how to love, live, and get to know a cat when I have more of a personality of a dog
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I am a heart-centered coach who supports Asian millennials to deepen their relationship with themselves and gently free themselves from unhelpful expectations, patterns, and fears so that they can have the life and relationships they desire. To learn more about my coaching series visit my website: alaliwei.com
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