Connecting With The Heart Space
Resting in joy, serenity, and love
Here is something that is not often said and taught in society. True joy, serenity, and love aren’t something that you have to force yourself to create or feel.
In a world that often tells us we need to “create” happiness, peace, or love, it’s easy to fall into the trap of forcing ourselves to feel a certain way, even when it doesn’t reflect our true inner state. We might try to will ourselves into joy or calmness, hoping that by pushing hard enough, we can make those feelings real. But when we force ourselves to feel joy or love, especially if it’s not genuine or authentic, we end up disconnecting from ourselves rather than supporting the deeper emotions we’re truly experiencing. This approach can leave us feeling more isolated, as though we’re always chasing something that remains just out of reach.
Real joy, peace, and love come not from pushing ourselves to feel differently, but from settling into who we are, right here and now. When we settle more and more into ourselves, honor our boundaries and needs, and hold what is coming up for ourselves with utter gentleness and tenderness, we naturally start to feel joy, serenity, and love well up from within us as a consequence of our love and care for ourselves.
There is a place within all of us that is already whole, spacious, peaceful, and loving. It generally feels as if it’s located in our heart space. This heart space, as I’ve come to know it, feels like a limitless container that can hold all the complexities of life and the messiness of being human. It doesn’t judge or analyze but has an endless capacity to simply hold everything that arises. Whether it’s joy or grief, love or loss, clarity or confusion—this part of me can hold all the pains and emotions we hold in our bodies as well as all the anxieties and fears of the mind with so much tenderness. It feels no need to rush and it feels no need to control or “know”.
Meditators spend years seeking this state, striving to touch and find inner peace. In spiritual traditions, it’s sometimes referred to as the “Higher Self”—a wiser, expansive part of us that remains open, unconditionally loving, and accepting. As I’ve started to build a relationship with this space more and more, I’m beginning to recognize what truly feels right for me, what boundaries I need to honor, and how I can deepen my self-love in meaningful ways. And connecting to this space helps me slow down and release my mind’s grasp or control on how it thinks life should be.
Over the last month, as I started to deepen my connection with this space within myself, I gained a powerful insight. There is a huge difference between creating and operating from a place of tension, expectation, anxiety, or “should” versus moving or living life from this quiet, loving center. For instance, I sometimes notice other coaches posting daily on social media, and I feel a little nudge inside telling me, “Maybe I need to do that too.” But when I bring that feeling into my heart space, I notice that it feels tight, maybe a bit anxious, like I’m pushing myself to do something that doesn’t genuinely align. In Mandarin, there’s a difference between “因该做” (I should do) and “愿意做” (I want to do). I’m experimenting with letting my actions arise more from that centered place of “愿意做,” so that things flow naturally rather than with force. I believe that when I create and live from an anxious, tense space I only attract more of this energy to me. So what will it be like when I start to create, live, and make decisions from a more spacious and loving place within me? We’ll see and if you stick around to read more of my posts, perhaps you’ll find out too! :)
As we nurture ourselves in this way, something powerful begins to happen. When we feel fully supported and cared for, our heart naturally softens and the layers that block joy and love start to melt away. In this safe, accepting space, joy, love, and peace arise on their own, from within, rather than being forced or fabricated. They emerge not as something we “should” feel but as the natural essence of who we are, shining through when we allow ourselves to be present with what we truly need.
P.S. I am returning back to the US in several days. Transitions are always tough for me. It’s hard to say goodbye to this place (Wuhan, China) that I have called home for the last 6 months. I feel sad. Feeling this way also means I have enjoyed and loved my time out here…and it’s sad to let go of it. I truly cherish all the experiences and people I met along the way here. I’ll be back in China again next year, but right now it’s uncertain what month that will be — I trust my intuition will let me know when it’s time to return.
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I am a heart-centered coach who supports Asian millennials to deepen their relationship with themselves and gently free themselves from unhelpful expectations, patterns, and fears so that they can have the life and relationships they desire. To learn more about my coaching series visit my website: alaliwei.com
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